My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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