The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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