I'm eating all of the evidence.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
