I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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