i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
