Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
