Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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