best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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