there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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