and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
