I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
