Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
