I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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