Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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