Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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