Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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