I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
