If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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