Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize