My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
