It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize