He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
