I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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