did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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