Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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