Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
