6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
