guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
