he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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