Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My hand turned me down
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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