you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
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say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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