Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
