I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We don't watch enough power rangers
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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