I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
