Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
