so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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