Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
we're so committed to being not committed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
