This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
