yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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