I got chris browned last night
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
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I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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