She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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