you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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