Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize