i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
