I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize