Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
