I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
