She's JV to your varsity
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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