By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
