No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
