sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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