If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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