My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the raccoons are back...
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