I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
