Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
