Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
