Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
