I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
