I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
